I spilled milk...

I haven't posted anything in a REALLY long time. I have to give the excuse, again, of being too busy with school work and friends. This past month has been very crazy because of drama and growing up and such. I'm getting through it just takes time and the trust in God. I will open-mindedly say that I got off on the wrong track and thought I could do everything on my own. Thankfully, God showed me that He is the only way to get through things. So, please pray for me while I'm going through this hard time of friendships changing and family situations.

I guess this is my place to "vent" but I wanted to share what I experienced on Sunday, February 15Th:
I have been going through a lot these past two weeks. In girl-world, hearing people talk about you is just the worst thing you could hear, especially knowing it's your best friends speaking these words. Knowing that it's the people who have met through the House of God, the pain is excruciating. I feel that I can't trust anybody anymore because the specific people who I love and adore the most were using their biggest sinner to express their feelings.

It hurts.

So, therefore, that is why you haven't seen the gregarious Bethany. It's not because I'm hanging out with the wrong people; it's not because I'm doing things that you think I would never do; it's not because I'm turning into someone you think I'm turning into. It's just because I've realized that I can't trust a few of my best friends, it kills me inside to say that!

On Sunday, me and my mom showed up to church really late because I had slept in. We walked up to the third floor and every single person that I had grown to love and adore were now just people I didn't know at all. As Jared was singing, I started tearing up because I realized how foolish and selfish I had become. I realized that the reason everything was changing was because I was changing my ways. I had been looking at life the way a normal teenager at my high school would look at life. I wasn't looking at life the way Bethany would. If I explain this anymore, I'm almost positive that you reading this would think I was crazy, but it makes sense in my mind.




Onto the present....
I decided not to do softball this year so I can get ready to be on V-squad volleyball next year, and also to focus on my studies. I found out that I am ranked 64 out of 878 people, most of you might think that is very high but not high enough for me. Next year, I am enrolling in classes that could be taken in college. I have high expectations for myself next year. I'm taking an AP English class right now which has totally 360'd my vision of going to college. The smarter you are, the more money you get. Therefore, I am trying to bust my but to get to the top.
I can promise you that you will see a more brighter Bethany from now on, you will see me more at church, and you definately will see me succeed. (Or, at least, I hope so).

To end on an exciting thought:
I am taking the test to get my permit tomorrow! Excited, nervous, and anxious all at the same time.